


Asphyxia

by orphan_account



Category: Naruto
Genre: Horror, M/M, Multi, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Tokyo Ghoul crossover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-07-04 00:12:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15829794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Naruto Namikaze, a young ANBU investigator, wants nothing more than to achieve his parents' dream of peace in the walls of Tokyo, but after a mission goes wrong, he finds himself caught between the world of humans, and the world of the very monsters that killed his parents the first place.





	Asphyxia

**Author's Note:**

> After a strange day dream in class, I decided to indulge myself in a Naruto x Tokyo Ghoul universe. I do not regret it one single bit~!
> 
> This is also my first Naruto fanfiction, so please be kind (>‘o’)>
> 
> I sort of broke it down. The original whole chapter is like 8,000 words. The next half will be Chapter Two instead (´･ω･`)

The metallic smell of blood reached him before he kicked down the fire exit. He wasn’t particularly hungry, but the smell still elicited an reaction from him. His kagune materialised, the black like crystals in the form of one wing fluttering and tensing as if reacting to the scene in front of them.

 

In the middle of the long, dark hall stood a lovely looking young woman with scarlet red hair, naked and glorious just like Venus herself, and in her wake are several bodies all too disfigured and bloodied to even pick out a face.  Raking his eyes over her bare figure, he tsked. She wasn't all that visible, but the glow of the ceiling to floor aquarium cast shadows on her, highlighting the sharpness of her cheeks and the curves of her body. Her black eyes scrutinised him like the the very predator she was.

 

"Took you awhile," she mocked as she licked the remaining drops of blood that stained her fingers. Turning to her guest, she raised a fine red eyebrow at him, "Well?"

 

Tobi frowned, “So you decided to eat the whole floor out,” he laughed, a dry, unpleasant sound, gesturing to the bodies around them, “Not one for table manners, I see.”

 

Karin shrugged her shoulders, “ You were taking too long,” she drawled, “I got hungry.” Tobi scoffed at that and shook his head, crossing his arms disapprovingly.

 

"Tobi-san," she said airily, delicately tip-toeing around the bodies to be near the other ghoul, "You're not here to teach me manners," she stopped just a breath away from the male, reaching her soft hands to caress the spirals that adorned his mask, "are you?"

 

Tobi stared down at the young ghoul, "No, but you sure damn need them,” he quipped, pushing the young girl away with one finger.

 

Karin narrowed her eyes, dropping her hands from his mask, “Don’t get smart with me,” she snapped, her eyes changing to their ghoul form in warning; red iris’ and black sclera, with black veins that stemmed out on either side like webs .

 

“I think you need to get smart yourself. You’ve not been exactly inconspicuous with your hunts as of late,  _ glutton, _ ” he drawled.

 

She shrugged her shoulders, “Food is getting scarce; no one has time to tidy up after themselves.”

 

Tobi scowled, and a growl sounded in his throat,  _ God,  _ he thought,  _ This woman is stubborn _ . “That’s not what I meant and  _ you  _ know it,” he gestured to the massacre around him. He sighed, crossing his arms and leant on the aquarium.

 

“A message from the rest of Akatsuki by the way; ANBU is hot on our heels, and it’s because of  _ you _ ,” he pointed an accusing finger at her, “Tone down the eating for awhile, and we mean it when we say  _ tone  _ down.”

  
  


“A message? More like a  _ threat _ ,” she laughed, flipping her hair behind her shoulder. “I feel honoured that the top man himself has come to give me a lecture about my eating habits”

 

“You’re part of Akatsuki,” Tobi said, calmly, “Whatever you do, what you’re doing with yourself right now, parading yourself and your eats around, is going to spell the end of our stronghold in 11.”

 

Karin threw her head back and laughed, sharp and bitter, “Since when the fuck have Akatsuki cared about my eating habits? I don’t see why I have to get involved with your petty turf war with ANBU. I’ve told you countless times, I never wanted to be part of Akatsuki; I want out-  _ ugh _ !”

 

Tobi had grabbed her throat and slammed her against the glass of the aquarium, his crystal like kagune surrounding them like a thousand sharp knives, all pointed to her. His patience was wearing thin. “Well, you can’t have out,” he growled, “There is _ no out _ . Stop being so stubborn.”

 

Karin gave him a glare so full of hate and disgust; gone was the indifferent attitude. “I only joined Akatsuki because of Suigetsu,” she spat out, the emotional pain in her voice starting to show at the mention of her old lover, “but since you made a fucking show out of killing him, I fail to see why you still insist I’m still part of your little cult.”

 

“You’re always about changing the world, making it a better place for ghouls, but all you're doing is making it fucking worse,” she hissed. Tobi’s grip tightened around her neck.

 

“You know  _ nothing  _ about my goals you selfish  _ bitch, _ ” he spat, “Suigetsu was  _ weak.  _ He was nothing but  a liability to the group. He showed promise, but his love for you screwed everything up.”

 

At that, Karin lashed out, her nine-tailed, red scaled kagune materializing before Tobi could blink, slicing through the glass and wrenching herself free from his grasp. Releasing her kagune from the glass, she jumped up as the water came crashing down, sweeping Tobi off his feet.

 

“Fuck!” he screamed, untangling himself from the pile of bodies he had crashed into, “You  _ bitch _ !”

 

He stood up, kagune bared, ready to strike once again, but Karin was nowhere to be seen. Her laugh suddenly echoed through the room, mocking and sweet. Tobi wanted nothing more than to crush her. He cracked his thumbs against his index finger, the urge to kill barely tamable. He gritted his teeth, realizing that he wouldn’t get anywhere tonight. “Laugh all you fucking want,” he growled, the anger and bloodlust ringing true in his voice, “But I’ll enjoy the very moment I crush the fuck outta that pretty body of yours, you’ll see.”

 

Tobi gave a wicked grin, a plan already forming in his head for her demise.

 

_______________

 

ANBU MAIN BRANCH

TOKYO, KONOHA DISTRICT, WARD 11

 

_ "After several ghoul attacks, the biggest tragedy was discovered after, the remains of several bodies were found in the Hoshiyama building. Forensics and ANBU Investigators have confirmed this was caused by no other than a ghoul and are urging all civilians to be vigilant and-" _

 

“Phew, I’m  _ so  _ glad I didn’t draw the short straw this time,” Kiba sighed as he dropped a pile of folders upon his desk. Naruto, who was at the desk beside him, looked up from the paperwork he was currently skimming over and raised an eyebrow.

 

“Since when did you become such a pussy?” Naruto teased, putting down his pen for now.

 

Kiba scowled and crossed his arms, “Dude, I ain’t no pussy, but this is  _ the  _ glutton ghoul we’re talking about here, and the photos and the shit I saw last time down at forensics was- ugh. God I feel sick just talking about it.”

 

Naruto laughed, “Even worse than Lee’s questionable fashion sense?”

 

Kiba pulled an ugly face, the grimace so big it borderlined comical, “Well, maybe,” he waved a dismissive hand at his friend, “Anyway, enough about green spandex and bushy eyebrows, what’s the deal today?”

 

Naruto sighed, leaning his head against his palm, “Desk duty for us, sadly; Sakura’s out with Intelligence down at Ward 24. Potential leads on Akatsuki apparently.”

 

Kiba groaned and sat down at his chair, “Why do they get to do exciting shit and we don’t?” he poked mournfully at the pile of manila folders that waited for him, “I  _ hate  _ paperwork, like shit, who invented the idea of  _ paperwork _ ?”

 

“It’s a Wednesday. It’s a boring day. Action happens on Thursdays,” Naruto replied, equally just as bored as his friend. Digging underneath his desk for his coffee flask, he sighed happily when he pulled out his flashy, orange flask, taking a swig of his rather cold coffee. He gestured to the news on the TV, “And weren’t you  just saying like, two minutes ago that you were glad that you weren’t assigned to the glutton case?”

 

“Gah, thinking about it, I’d rather be on the glutton case than be stuck here on my ass getting paper cuts,” Kiba said, frowning at the TV. He winced at the amount of times forensics were coming out of the building with body bags.

 

“Dude,” Kiba began, “What do you think glutton looks like?”

 

“Probably like, seriously fat from all the people it eats,” Naruto said, picked up his pen, grabbed a piece of scrap paper and doodled his image. Satisfied with the result, he lifted up his paper and he grinned like a child that was presenting his gold star to his mother, “Tada!”

 

Kiba snorted, “I bet you were the golden child of art class,” he said, eyeing the crudely drawn, rotund ghoul, “What if it's like a hot chick or something?”

 

“Well Inuzuka, Namikaze today is your lucky day,” a sarcastic voice drawled behind them, prompting both Kiba and Naruto to shoot up from their chairs, standing firm and still as Special Class Investigator Hatake Kakashi walked in front of their desks, sliding a rather an unnerving file with confidential stamped across it to Naruto.

 

“Sir?” Naruto and Kiba questioned, both eyeing the folder.

 

Kakashi leaned against the wall, crossing his arms, “You wanted to know what the glutton looked like, right?” he waved one hand at the file, “I want you to do a stake out this evening. Intel’s currently got their hands full with Akatsuki, so I need the best men I’ve got to handle the case. Several reports and sightings of our little glutton are concentrated around Ward 20.”

 

Kakashi pulled out a tablet from inside his jacket, unlocking it to reveal a map with several red spots spread out upon different streets. He pointed to the monument park and the areas around it, “20 isn’t usually a hot feeding ground for ghouls. In fact, it’s the most peaceful ward in Konoha with a low death rate of one death every three months,” Kakashi frowned, “After the call center massacre, the death toll has been increasing at a worrying pace. Ward 11 too has shown more activity than the norm. The glutton ghoul is possibly the tip of the iceberg and intel have reason to believe that Akatsuki are also involved.”

 

Kiba paled, but Naruto grinned, excited that he was finally going to get some action today, “Who else is coming?” he asked, grabbing the folder from the desk to open it. Several pictures of a woman with red hair spilled out, among with photos from the crime scene, but none of them manage to successfully capture her face. Kiba picked up some of the photos and scrutinized them.

 

“Sakura, Shikamaru-” the man himself lifted his head from his desk and gave a noise of acknowledgement, “-and Sai will be coming along with you,” Kakashi replied, “I can’t let you both go without a senior, of course,” Kakashi grinned, fully aware of Sai’s endearment for Naruto, and how the blonde couldn’t stand five seconds being in the same room as him without either kicking him, or punching him.

 

Naruto’s eyebrow twitched in irritation at the mention of Sai; First Class Investigator or not,  the guy was a complete  _ pervert _ . At least Sakura and Shikamaru would be around for damage control. “Anything else, Sir?”

 

Kakashi shook his head, “Nope,” he replied, pushing himself off the wall. Before he left, he paused and sighed, “Naruto?”

 

“Sir?”

 

“Please don’t be reckless, and that applies to both of you, because out of both of you and Shikamaru, I know which one has a level head,” Kakashi looked at them both earnestly,“ I know you are both well beyond capable, investigators, but Naruto, you can’t use your usual attack-blindly, head-on-approach or anything of the like,” he told them, firmly, “Am I understood? This is a stake out,  _ not  _ an extermination mission, got it?”

 

Naruto and Kiba nodded, “Yes sir!”

 

Kakashi took one last look at them before giving a curt nod, also throwing a look at Shikamaru, and walked away, reaching into his pocket to pull out the ever present orange book that was questionable in fashion and in nature, closing the door to his office behind him with a subtle click. Kiba and Naruto released a heavy sigh.

 

“Ugh,” Kiba said,“It baffles me to how he can be  _ the  _  ‘Undefeated Scarecrow’, the most feared ghoul investigator in Tokyo  _ and  _  be a part time pervert,” he plonked himself back on his chair, swiveling around in circles. “I thought only middle aged ladies desperate for a good sex life read that kind of shit.”

 

“Well then, it’s the perfect book for you,” Naruto shot at him, earning him a middle finger and a glare.

 

“Fuck you,” Kiba whined, “I hope you live in celibacy for the rest of your life. I get my fair share of lay,  _ thank you. _ ”

 

Naruto rolled his eyes, “With your hand I bet,” he threw back, and thanks to his fast reflex, he managed to dodge a rather harshly thrown folder aimed at his head.

 

Naruto laughed, much to Kiba’s dismay. Shikamaru, who was at the desk across from them, gave a long suffering sigh and rolled his eyes, far used to the boys’ antics and arguments. He was Kiba’s (Naruto was also a Rank 1 investigator), senior in regards to ranks, but sometimes he felt like their senior in general in regards to maturity and age, even if they are all in the same age group.

 

Naruto tapped his finger against his chin thoughtfully, he said, “Hm, tell you what, do you wanna grab some coffee at that new cafe you’ve been wanting to go to?”

 

Kiba put his head on the table and sighed, “Sorry dude, I’m going to have to pass. My wallet is worryingly thinner than it should be.”

 

Naruto eyed Shikamaru, “Shika?”

 

The man declined, shaking his head, “I’m afraid my financial situation is just as bad as Kiba’s,” he said, earning a protest from Kiba (“It’s not  _ that  _ bad, jesus.”).

 

“Oh no, my treat,” the blonde grinned, “If we are going to have to spend the evening dealing with Sai and his penis jokes than I say we should get the energy for our poor, ever fraying patience to not waver.”

 

Kiba immediately perked up at the word ‘treat’ and stood up from his chair, grabbing his satchel and briefcase. “Thanks man!” he said, giving Naruto a hearty pat on the back, causing the blond to wobble a bit as he collected his briefcase and bag. Shikamaru, ever the quiet, collected man he was, gave Naruto smile and nodded his thanks, following the excited brunette.

 

Naruto bit back the urge to comment that Kiba’s behaviour reminded him that of a dog, knowing the scathing look he would receive in return. He instead settled for a quiet chuckle, and followed his friends out of the office. 

 

\----

 

“You know, this place is pretty neat,” Kiba commented as he surveyed the cozy hole in the wall cafe. Aside from the comfy cashmere lined chairs they were sat on, the whole place just screamed homely, with the wooden shelves cluttered with little ornaments and plants. The brick and wood walls set the mood just right, the warm lights casting a warm glow all around in contrast to the chilly weather outside. Naruto considered _ maybe _ replacing Ichiraku's with this place. Shikamaru hummed in agreement as he sipped at his latte.

 

“The name’s pretty funky too,” The blonde mused, “ _ Anteiku _ ; the ‘peaceful ward’, or the ‘harmony zone’,” he stirred his coffee, watching the liquid squirrel around his spoon like a whirlpool. He took the spoon out and drank it all in one go, the warmth, the honey and cinnamon pleasantly washing over his taste buds. He hummed in satisfaction, sinking down in the plush cushions.

 

“Anyway, before Sakura and Sai get here,” Kiba began as he reached underneath the table to pull out the folder Kakashi had gave him earlier from his satchel bag, pulling out the contents of the folder, “Let’s go over who’s ass we’re stalking tonight.”

 

Naruto gave him a flat stare, “Ass? And Kakashi thought I was the stupid one,” he groaned. He heard Shikamaru mutter “Debatable,” but ignored him in favour for the report. He grabbed the papers and began to read the hurried scrawl, giving an annoyed huff that Kakashi,  _ of cours _ e- didn’t bother to encode it, “Asshole,” he muttered.

 

Shikamaru beckoned Naruto to pass the papers, “Let me try,” he said, and Naruto handed it to him. After a few seconds of reading, Shikamaru frowned, and then schooled his expression back to his usual bored demeanour, “Tsk. Of course had to also throw in shorthand,  _ lazy. _ ”

 

Kiba peered over at the papers and winced, “And I thought Tsunade was bad,” he commented, “And you can’t say much about laziness either, Nara.”

 

Shikamaru just raised an eyebrow and laid head against his palm, “And yet please explain to me how I’m a Rank One Investigator and you’re still Rank Two?”

 

Kiba glared at him and huffed, but made no attempt to dispute the comment, only to murmur “ _ Smartass _ ,” and instead busied himself with the pictures that were inside the folder, spreading them out evenly on the available spaces of the table ready for when the others arrive.

 

Naruto sniggered, ready to comment how Kiba just got owned, but he quickly turned his laughter into little coughs when Kiba focused a glare on him that promised a slow and painful death. A Rank Two he may be, and he may have little experience compared to him and Shika, but Naruto knew that when the guy got serious, he could probably cause a few cuts. Probably. If he tried hard enough, that was. Not that Naruto was scared, but he really didn’t want to deal with the aftermath of paperwork, and explaining to Kakashi to why harm was done to a fellow investigator in public.

 

Shikamaru sighed, eyeing the papers with distaste as he skimmed it, flickering through the other pages.  “Well, the writing is pretty shit, but I can make out what it he’s basically summarized about the ghoul; intel’s notes are the only legible documents in this whole report.”

 

“I swear, Kakashi does it on purpose," Naruto growled, glaring at the badly done report, the spider like writing doing damage to his eyes. He reached for his cup, only remembering it was empty when it felt light in his hand. Sighing, he turned around in his chair to catch one of the attention of the waiters. Juugo, the friendly yet bulky guy, who served them earlier was busy taking orders from another so he honed his focus on the one waiter that wasn’t occupied with any other customer.

 

“Excuse me,” he called to the person at the counter, the only visible evidence of them being there was their dark, duck-butt like hair peeking just over the marble, “Could I get a refill?”

 

The ebony haired waiter swiftly stood up from his crouched position, and Naruto could swear his mouth went dry the second the waiters onyx eyes snapped to his, and when it had seemed the blond had lost the ability to talk, the waiter simply raised one fine eyebrow.

 

_ This is so cliche,  _ Naruto thought as he studied the other man’s smooth, refined features ,  _ hot waiter, horny dude; sounds like a porno in the making. _

 

“Yo, Naruto~?” Kiba singsonged, reaching over to wave a hand over his friends face, confused by the sudden change in behaviour in his friend. Shikamaru looked up, gave one look at Naruto, frowned a little and then sighed, a small smile gracing his face. Kiba was more confused than ever.

 

“Autumn latte, was it?” the waiter asked, his smooth, deep baritone voice causing a shiver to rack down the blonde’s spine, and apparently down his hands too, as his grasp faltered on his cup, causing the artisan ( _ possibly expensive _ , his mind supplied unhelpfully), piece of porcelain to drop, smashing on the ground into a hundred pieces, and far too loudly at that. The murmurs of quiet chatter abruptly stopped, and Naruto felt a little part of  dignity shatter into pieces too.

 

Kiba opened his mouth, but quickly shut it again as his eyes darted between the blonde and the waiter, realization slowly dawning on his face. A snort escaped from his lips and he resisted the urge to burst into a fit of giggles, opting to throw Naruto a suggestive grin and wiggled his eyebrows. Shikamaru, who was quicker to grasp the situation,  even let out a little laugh himself, rolling his eyes and sighed, “Troublesome.”

 

“ _ What- _ ” Naruto gritted out through his teeth, his cheeks and ears pink, “Guys,  _ help _ ?” he hissed.

 

Shikamaru shrugged and crossed his arms, “It isn’t my mess,” he said, fully aware that he could help his friend, but he wanted to enjoy the sight of his friend flapping around like a headless chicken as he tried to hide himself from the scrutiny from the other patrons of the cafe, more specifically from the waiter who was giving the blond a disapproving look.

Kiba laughed and whispered, “You’re clearly the one who needs to get laid Namikaze; not me.”

 

Naruto spluttered and whipped around to face his friends, “What,  _ no _ \- it has nothing to do with him,” Naruto protested. Kiba and Shikamaru raised their eyebrows as if to say  _ Really?,  _ causing the blond to scowl at them. “I hate you both,” he growled.

 

The waiter, who was previously behind the counter, was suddenly behind him, broom and dustpan ready. Naruto almost jumped out of his skin when he turned around to clean the mess, causing Kiba and Shikamaru to snort. Naruto put one hand behind his back and flipped the bird at them.

 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry-” Naruto began, bending down to pick up the pieces up himself. To make matters worse, when he picked a particularly jagged piece, he somehow ended up cutting his hand. He dropped it and drew back his hand in shock.  “Ah  _ shit _ -” he hissed, staring at the cut in his palm.

 

To his surprise, the waiter grasped his hand and whipped out a clean handkerchief from his pocket, “Idiot,” the waiter muttered, holding the cloth down on his palm.

 

Naruto, shocked, didn’t dispute the insult, too occupied with the fact that the guy was holding his hand. The dark haired man raised his eyes to meet his as he wrapped the cloth around his hand, “Excuse me a moment,” he sighed, leaving Naruto to gape like a fish out of water when he went to the counter once again to get a first aid kit.

 

“And who was it that commented on my inappropriate use of ass, earlier?” Kiba teased, and if it weren’t for his injured hand, Naruto would thwack him around the head,  _ hard. _

 

“Shut up,” Naruto pouted, sitting himself down on his chair again. He wondered how much he was going to have to pay for the cup.

 

Shikamaru shook his head, “It wasn’t your job in the first place to clean it up, idiot,” Shikamaru sighed, “Instead of making the guy’s job easier, he now has to play nurse with you.”

 

“It’s fine,” the waiter spoke behind them, making all three of them jump this time. He went over to Naruto this time and passed the blond some cotton, alcohol and a band-aid.  _ Damn,  _ Naruto thought,   _ The guy could be like ninja from how quiet he walks. _

 

“Thank you,” Naruto said, and gave the waiter a grateful smile; he would certainly leave a big tip later for all the trouble he had caused the guy. Before the waiter turned around to clean up the mess, Naruto asked, “Excuse me, what’s your name?”

 

The guy froze in his steps, and turned, a hesitant look quickly appearing on his face, but as quick as it came, it was gone. Naruto didn’t miss the way he eyed their briefcases before he schooled it back to his neutral expression, “Sasuke, sir.”

  
  


_ Strange,  _ Naruto thought, but he paid no heed to it, quickly dismissing the thought. “Thanks again, Sasuke-san,” he said.

 

Sasuke gave them a stiff-ish bow and resumed his duties, clearing up the mess and Naruto took that as his queue to resume his too.

 

When Sasuke was done cleaning the mess and out of earshot, Kiba mocked Naruto, making swoony and kissing noises, “Thank you Sasuke-sama, please do me!”

 

Shikamaru raised an unimpressed eyebrow and Naruto scowled at Kiba, “Fuck  _ off _ , Inuzuka,” the blond hissed, throwing the used handkerchief at him, the cloth hitting him square in the face.

 

“Ew,” Kiba grimaced, gingerly picking up the cloth and throwing it back to his friend. “Chill, dude, there’s no need to be defensive, we all know you’re into his ass.”

 

Naruto cleaned his wound with the alcohol and put the bandage on his hand, “Whatever,” he huffed, not giving his friend anymore reason to mock him. He placed the litter on the saucer that came with the cup and picked up the handkerchief, “I should clean this before I give it back to him, at least.”

 

Kiba smirked, “Excuses,” he chuckled.

 

Naruto, just having had enough of his friend’s teasing remarks, opened his mouth to do him in verbally when the bells at the door chimed behind them, the cold winter wind blowing in as Sakura and Sai came in, shaking the snow off  their jackets as they closed the door behind them.

 

“Hello, losers,” Sakura greeted as she took a seat, shrugging off her jacket, green eyes sparkling with mirth as she took in Naruto’s sour face, “What did mean ol’ Kiba say this time?” she cood at the blond in a childish manner. Her cheeks were rather pink from the cold weather outside.

 

Naruto pouted, “He’s just being his usual typical, asshole self,” he groused. He turned his attention to Sai who took the seat next to Sakura. Naruto eyed him suspiciously as the dark haired investigator gave him one of his signature plastic smiles, “Hello Sai,” Naruto greeted tersely.

 

“Hey short dick,” Sai chirped, crossing his legs and leaning back on the chair as if he hadn’t just insulted his junior, and Naruto really fought the urge to punch the stupid smirk off his face. Sai turned to Shikamaru, “Hello, Nara-san, Kiba.”

 

Shikamaru gave the man a lazy wave in return and Kiba just laughed, infuriating Naruto further. “Why do you only pick on me?” Naruto whined, crossing his arms and frowning like a sulking child.

 

Sai smiled, “Your expressions are most pleasing to watch,” he replied, and Naruto pulled a disgusted face.

 

“Shut up, Sai” Sakura sighed, wanting to stop the whole bickering before it properly began, “No one wants to know about your expression kink for Naruto.”. She rubbed her hands together and shivered. She looked up to the chalkboard by the counter and skimmed the menu, “Anything you guys could suggest that isn’t too pricey?”

 

Kiba shrugged, “I don’t know; the matcha latte looks pretty good- don’t you like all that herbal shit?” he said, gesturing to the tea section. “Hey, you should get Naruto to order it, he has the hots for the guy at the counter.”

 

Naruto blushed and scowled at his teammate, “I do  _ not  _ have the hots for him, you asshole,” he denied, even though he knew otherwise; all the jokes and the taunting he would get would be never ending.

 

“Judging from his looks, I’d say he has an above average sized penis,” Sai supplied, unhelpfully. Kiba choked, spitting out his drink back into the cup. Shikamaru winced. Sakura put her head in her hands.

  
“Oh my God,  _ Sai _ ,” Naruto hissed at his senior, “Shut the fuck up.”


End file.
